Don’t just do it: What you need to know before doing the deed
May 19, 2021
Sex is everywhere: on the Internet, on television, in our favorite songs, and in our everyday conversations. Even as we live through a pandemic, sex remains one of the basic human needs for all people – individuals and couples. But while we are aware of sex, there’s still a lot of stigma surrounding this topic. As a result, many of us still don’t know what it means to actually “do it.”
Don’t worry, the key to enjoying sex isn’t hidden by some secret code. And it’s more than just putting on your favorite MOMOL jams and wearing the right outfit. It’s important to demystify sex as a taboo conversation, because it’s a perfectly natural thing to enjoy — responsibly that is. If you want to experience sex for the first time, check out these seven important tips to make sure that you know what you need to do before doing the deed.
Secure the other person’s consent.
Responsible sex requires the consent of a partner, which is the absolute first thing you should have before doing it. In the same way that you don’t want to be forced into doing something, make sure that your partner is just as comfortable as you are. It’s one thing to ask them if they are willing to have sex, but another to look at their body language. Are they fidgeting or uneasy? Are they inebriated and slurring their words? If you answered yes to these questions, then perhaps now is not the best time. Explore the topic again when you are both truly ready.
Face it, it’ll be a little awkward.
Sex in media portrays the act to be all romantic and smooth sailing all the time. And while that can be true in some cases, there’s a huge chance that your first time will be a little (okay, a lot) awkward. Accepting that before you even get in bed can take the pressure off from both of you. Even if you are totally down for it, you’re not gonna get it 100% right the first time. Prepare to laugh at yourself and don’t worry about stage fright — remember that old saying that if you’re nervous, just imagine the audience naked? It’s exactly like that, except you’re naked, too. Also, remember: Real-world sex is pretty different from what you see in porn – especially for two people who care about each other. Don’t set your standards and expectations based on what you see on your screens, which is designed for fantasy mind play.
Tell them what you like (or don’t like).
Part of what makes sex enjoyable is discovering what gives you and your partner pleasure. It’s not something you magically know off the cuff: You can see it in how they react, but also in what they say. In order for your partner to know what you want, communicate that. Be open about your desires and also your dislikes. You can do that before doing the deed, but this is also a helpful practice during, when you’re in bed — it reduces the awkwardness, and ensures that you have a much better idea of what to do next time.
Women may or may not bleed, and that’s okay.
One of the biggest myths in penetrative sex is that the hymen, located near a person’s vaginal opening, will stretch or break during the first intercourse, causing them to bleed. In fact, most women and girls don’t bleed during their first time, because the hymen can also stretch during strenuous non-sexual activities like playing sports or working out. While bleeding or not bleeding isn’t important, what shouldn’t happen is for it to hurt (not just the first time, but any time you have sex). You can make sex more pleasurable by using water-based personal lubricants like EZ Lubricating Jelly to help things run smoothly. Just being gentle and starting out slow also helps a lot.
Remember, you’re not ‘losing’ anything.
What is probably the most important thing to remember is that when you decide to finally have safe and responsible sex, you are not “losing” your virginity — you’re just engaging in a totally natural act that is part of being a mature human being. You’re still you after having sex once or even multiple times. There’s a reason why sex is everywhere, and why we talk about it all the time. It’s actually fun. So have fun with it too.
Keep it clean.
Hygiene may be the last thing on your mind when doing the deed, but it’s nonetheless very important. Research about what you should do before, during, and after sex to keep yourself clean. It’s not just about washing up before getting in bed with your partner, putting on a condom to avoid STIs, but also making sure that you stay clean after doing it.
Brush up on contraceptives.
You and your partner are ready, now what? Like in anything you do, make sure that you’re ready with essential precautions, because pregnancy can happen, even if it’s your first time. Barrier contraceptives like TRUST Condoms and PREMIERE Condoms don’t just protect you from unwanted pregnancies, but they can also protect you from STIs. And don’t wait for your partner to get these for both of you! You can also take the initiative and do your own research on contraceptives by consulting a trustworthy, fact-based source like www.doitright.ph (people pass around a lot of myths face to face and on the Internet). For the ladies, if you’d like to use oral contraceptive pills, your healthcare provider will let you know your best option based on your lifestyle and medical history. Take matters into your own hands and be prepared, for your own peace of mind.
It’s important to Do It Right! and that means knowing how to enjoy sex and care for your sexual self and your partner, knowing which contraceptive method is best for you, practicing a joint decision-making process on sexual and reproductive health matters, and knowing when it’s time to consult a medical professional.
Arm yourself with more facts on sexual and reproductive health by visiting www.doitright.ph, a website where you can explore these topics in private and send questions anonymously. Follow Do it Right! on Facebook to know more about the campaign ‘Do It Right! Do it with TRUST Reproductive Health Choices.’
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